What rules are you living by?

Spencer Jones

Guest Columnist

April 20, 2026

Many of us live with a set of unwritten rules that guide our lives.

And though this affects everyone, the stakes are especially high for top-performing leaders, as they are among the primary drivers of performance within a company.
High-performing leaders aren’t just busy – they’re operating under internal pressure patterns that shape how they lead.

And unless leaders recognize and adjust that internal system, it will eventually lead to overwhelm, sustained stress and in many cases, burnout.

In last month’s column, I wrote about burnout, how much it can cost an organization and that often burnout isn’t about workload alone.

It’s about the internal system that drives how leaders operate under pressure.

This column – the second in a six-part series – will take a deeper look at that system.
One of the most overlooked parts of that system is what I would call a “pressure identity.”

Pressure identity

Pressure identity is the internal scorecard leaders carry, the set of unwritten rules that quietly drive how they perform, decide and lead under pressure.

And for many high-performing leaders, that identity is what got them where they are and what begins to wear them down.

It’s the unwritten rules leaders live by.

Keep performing.

Don’t drop the ball.

Don’t be the one who slows things down.

Don’t just meet expectations – exceed them.

What we’re seeing across organizations backs that up.

Research from Gallup shows burnout is less about how many hours someone works and more about how they experience their work, including workload, expectations and the level of support they receive.

In fact, studies consistently point to factors like unclear expectations, lack of support and unmanageable workload as the primary drivers of burnout rather than a lack of resilience or work ethic.

This pressure identity doesn’t form randomly.

It is often built on early success. 

Being the one who could handle more, deliver strong results and carry responsibility, along with the internal beliefs developed during our formative years.
Not that these drivers of success are bad.

They help us advance our journey, grow the business and impact more lives. 

The problem is not that these drivers exist – it’s that they often go unexamined.

Over time, those same drivers can become a liability.

What once created success begins to create strain.
That’s what happened to me.

I noticed early on what brought me success and kept repeating those same patterns.

Success kept coming but so did the pressure, heaviness and strain.

I turned a blind eye to it, kept going until it caught up with me and I was forced to deal with it.

Eventually, an unaligned system starts to take a toll.

Not all at once.

But instead, it builds over time.

It starts to show up in subtle ways.

Like shorter patience, stressed relationships, slower decisions, less clarity, more tension, etc. 

Taking a toll

In organizations, this creates a hidden risk.

Leaders continue to perform, but the strain is taking its toll.

They stop delegating, decisions become slower, direction is less clear and soon the team is depending too much on one person, the reliable leader who is quietly becoming the most overwhelmed and overloaded.

The tricky part for companies is that the cost doesn’t always show up immediately.

It shows up in missed opportunities, because decisions take longer than they should.
It shows up in teams hesitating instead of taking ownership, because they are waiting for direction.
It shows up in leaders holding on to too much instead of developing others to step up.

Over time, what looks like reliability on the surface can quietly become a bottleneck underneath. 

And when too much depends on one person, the organization becomes more fragile than it appears.

This creates a longer-term risk – one that many don’t see coming.

When one leader becomes the go-to for knowledge, decision-making and responsibility, succession becomes more difficult.

Growth slows because the organization can only move as fast as that individual can sustain. 

And when that leader eventually steps back, burns out or leaves, the gap is much harder to fill than expected.

And this isn’t limited to the C-suite – it shows up across leadership levels within the organization.

What looks like strength on the surface can quietly become a single point of failure underneath. 

And by the time it becomes visible, the cost is often much higher than if it had been addressed earlier.

This isn’t isolated.

Research shows that a majority of employees experience burnout at least sometimes, with managers often reporting even higher levels, meaning the very people organizations rely on most are often carrying the greatest strain.

And when burnout shows up at the leadership level, it doesn’t stay contained – it affects team performance, retention and overall organizational stability.

The issue isn’t how hard leaders are working – it’s what’s driving how they work.

Focusing only on workload addresses the surface, not the root.

And until that driver is understood, the cycle continues.

In next month’s column, I’ll explore why many of the tools leaders rely on to manage time and productivity don’t address the root issue and what chronic stress actually does to decision-making.