A compassionate conversation with the you who started 2025

Paula Rauenbuehler

Guest Columnist

December 29, 2025

Imagine you sat down with the You from January 2025.

Not in a conference room with performance metrics on the wall but at a coffee shop on a lazy Saturday.

The December 2025-You slides into the booth across from January-you, who’s nursing a latte and looking at the goals that were set this time last year.

January-You: “So? How did we do on these?

December-You pauses, wraps hands around a coffee mug and says: “Can I tell you something first? You’re going to be okay. I know that’s not what you asked, but I need you to hear it.”

January-You: “That’s… an interesting way to start. Should I be worried?”

December-You: “No, but you’re sitting there with those goals – the stretch assignment, the new skills to develop, the metrics to hit – and I want to tell you that the goals aren’t the whole story. They matter, but who you become while working toward them matters more.”

January-You: “Did I hit them or not?”

December-You: “Some of them – but here’s what you don’t know yet: You’ll learn more from how you work toward them than from whether you hit them. There were things you couldn’t see coming – not dramatic things, just life. The way bandwidth works differently than you think it does.”

January-You: “That sounds like excuses.”

December-You: “I know. I thought so, too, all year. It was just reality. You can execute perfectly on your goals and still be terrible to yourself in the process. Or you can fall short on some metrics and grow in ways that actually matter for your career and your life.”

January-You shifts uncomfortably and says: “My performance review… was it bad?”

December-You: “A lot of ‘meets expectations.’ Some places you shined, some were just adequate. I know you’re already feeling that knot in your stomach, because ‘meets expectations’ feels like failure. But listen – you’re going to spend a lot of next year meeting expectations while simultaneously managing things your spreadsheet doesn’t capture. You’re going to show up consistently, contribute meaningfully and hold things together. That matters.”

January-You: “So, what happened?”

December-You: “You did the work. Some of it went really well, some of it just… fine. You spent a lot of energy judging yourself for the gap between what you thought you’d accomplish and what actually happened. Here’s what you missed while you did that: you built something. Not just checking boxes – actually building capacity, relationships, judgment.”

January-You: “Okay, go on.”

December-You: “You showed up – consistently, even when projects got messy or feedback was hard or you felt like you weren’t adding enough value. You built trust with people because you were reliable. You learned to navigate ambiguity better than you thought you could. And there were moments when you made decisions or handled situations that January-You couldn’t have handled.”

January-You: “But those aren’t on my goal sheet.”

December-You: “Exactly. Your goal sheet is about what you’ll deliver. The real development happens in who you become while delivering it. How you handle setbacks, collaborate under pressure, manage your own resilience – that’s the stuff that shapes your next five years, not just this review cycle.”

January-You: “What did I learn, then?”

December-You: “You learned that you’re more capable than you thought, and that capability isn’t infinite. You learned that doing good work while being terrible to yourself isn’t actually sustainable. You learned that some quarters you’re going to exceed expectations and some quarters you’re going to just… do the job. Both are okay. You also learned the goals your manager set with you were made with imperfect information about what this year would be like.”

January-You: “So, now what?”

December-You: “Maybe try from a place of wanting to grow instead of trying to prove you deserve to be here. There’s a difference between ‘I want to get better at this’ and ‘I need to be better at this or I’m failing.’”

January-You took a long pause and said: “What is one thing you would tell me before I start the new year?”

December-You: “That you’re already qualified for your job. You’re not faking it. And the goals you’re looking at? They’re not a test of whether you belong – they’re an opportunity to stretch. Some of that stretch will work out. Some won’t. Both outcomes teach you something. I’d tell you to pay attention to who you’re being, not just what you’re producing. Are you the kind of colleague people trust? Do you handle problems with grace? Do you learn from mistakes? That’s the professional development that compounds over a career.”

January-You: “How do I stop the voice that says I’m not doing enough?”

December-You: “You don’t, really. You can start asking ‘not doing enough compared to what?’ Compared to some imaginary person who doesn’t exist? Or compared to what’s actually reasonable given everything you’re managing? You can start treating yourself the way you’d treat a colleague you respect – with context and fairness.”

January-You: “Even when my best isn’t very good?”

December-You: “Especially then. Because ‘not very good’ sometimes means ‘I’m dealing with more than is visible’ or ‘this quarter is just hard.’ And you still show up and you still do the work – that deserves respect, not contempt.”

January-You: “I’m scared I’m going to disappoint my manager.”

December-You: “You might, a little. You’ll miss some targets. You’ll have projects that don’t go as planned. The person who’ll be most disappointed is you – and only because you’re holding yourself to a standard that doesn’t account for reality. This is an opportunity to practice humility in making sure they know what’s happening and how to keep the project on time.”

January-You: “So, what do I do with these 2026 goals, then?”

December-You: “Work toward them, care about them – but also recognize that the goal is professional growth, not perfection. When you hit obstacles, get curious about them instead of scared. When you fall short, ask what you learned. When you succeed, notice what worked instead of immediately moving to the next thing. Here’s what I really want you to know: the You who enters January 2026 is more skilled, more confident and more grounded than the You from January 2025. Not because you hit every goal, but because you spent a year doing real work and learning from it.”

January-You: “And that’s enough?”

December-You: “It has to be, because the alternative is spending the whole year feeling like you’re not enough, and that makes you worse at your job, not better. You do better work when you trust yourself. When you see mistakes as information, not evidence of inadequacy. When you show up as someone who’s still learning, not someone who should already know everything.”

January-You looks at the goal sheet and says: “I still want to hit these, though.”

December-You: “I know, and you should try. Just remember – these goals are about developing your capabilities, not proving your worth. Your worth isn’t on the table. It never was. And when you walk into January 2026, you’re going to have more wisdom about how you actually work, what you’re actually good at and what you actually need to keep growing. That’s worth more than any single year’s metrics.”